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| nora_m-p [2024/06/18 19:51] – [Nora M-P nee Barton] judith | nora_m-p [2024/06/18 19:56] (current) – [Nora and TLM-P's Children] judith |
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| 8. Ruth Angela, 27 July 1885-15 August 1961. \\ | 8. Ruth Angela, 27 July 1885-15 August 1961. \\ |
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| Nora was step-mother to the eight children who survived from TLM-P's first marriage to Matilda Harpur and, as shown above, eight children of her own. She presents as a loving step-mother and mother. It is significant that the level-headed eldest son of the family, Thomas de M. M-P, appreciated his youthful step-mother. One piece of evidence is a two-volume book by the explorer Henry Stanley,((//Through the Dark Continent//, London, 1878. Provenance: J. Godden.)) which he gave to Nora with, as he wrote in them, his 'best love'. Nora also demonstrated her goodwill when she named her first daughter Matilda. Her choice of second name Aimee (meaning beloved) could apply to both Matildas.\\ | Nora was stepmother to the eight children who survived from TLM-P's first marriage to Matilda Harpur and, as shown above, eight children of her own. She presents as a loving stepmother and mother. It is significant that the level-headed eldest son of the family, Thomas de M. M-P, appreciated his youthful stepmother. One piece of evidence is a two-volume book by the explorer Henry Stanley,((//Through the Dark Continent//, London, 1878. Provenance: J. Godden.)) which he gave to Nora with, as he wrote in them, his 'best love'. Nora also demonstrated her goodwill when she named her first daughter Matilda. Her choice of second name Aimee (meaning beloved) could apply to both Matildas.\\ |
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| Nora's eldest step-daughter, Rosa Praed, was only five years older, and they became close friends, bonding over common interests including a distaste for constant childbirth and a love of literature. It is probably no coincidence that, a year after Nora did so, Rosa also called her first-born Matilda. They corresponded regularly and intimately, with 66 of Nora's letters to 'My dearest Rosie' surviving - sadly Rosa's to Nora haven't survived. Nora and Rosa were both interested in the women's movement. A play written by Nora was partly about an 'Admission of Female Members [of Parliament] Bill': Professor of English Colin Roderick commented that, while only part survives, 'her talent is clear'.((M-P papers, NLA, Box 7, folder 42.)) Though interested in women's rights, and keen that her daughters have more options than marriage, Nora was no radical. She wrote to Rosa that://I feel so certain that the nineteenth century will not stand such iniquities much longer than every time I go on a voyage I feel (as) a man might do who was going to have his leg cut off in the year before chloroform was invented & who foresaw the invention.. Til I get my cabin to myself I don't mean to agitate about my vote or my seat in parliament - which I can get along very well without'.//((Nora M-P to Rosa Praed, 25 April 1875 (or 1874?), Praed papers QJO, box 4.))\\ | Nora's eldest stepdaughter, Rosa Praed, was only five years older, and they became close friends, bonding over common interests including a distaste for constant childbirth and a love of literature. It is probably no coincidence that, a year after Nora did so, Rosa also called her first-born Matilda. They corresponded regularly and intimately, with 66 of Nora's letters to 'My dearest Rosie' surviving - sadly Rosa's to Nora haven't survived. Nora and Rosa were both interested in the women's movement. A play written by Nora was partly about an 'Admission of Female Members [of Parliament] Bill': Professor of English Colin Roderick commented that, while only part survives, 'her talent is clear'.((M-P papers, NLA, Box 7, folder 42.)) Though interested in women's rights, and keen that her daughters have more options than marriage, Nora was no radical. She wrote to Rosa that://I feel so certain that the nineteenth century will not stand such iniquities much longer than every time I go on a voyage I feel (as) a man might do who was going to have his leg cut off in the year before chloroform was invented & who foresaw the invention.. Til I get my cabin to myself I don't mean to agitate about my vote or my seat in parliament - which I can get along very well without'.//((Nora M-P to Rosa Praed, 25 April 1875 (or 1874?), Praed papers QJO, box 4.))\\ |
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| Neither woman wished for more than one or two children, with Nora writing:'Though I can well understand your not wanting any more [children] & trust fervently that if my No. 2 arrives safely, it may prove the last, my precious little Meta flourishes & grows more lovable & clever every day.' Nora's love for Rosa was passed on to her young daughters when they all lived in London. Ruth, her youngest daughter, also wrote to 'Dearest Rosie', signing herself 'Your loving sister'. She was among the family to welcome Rosa's gifts of her latest book, no matter how controversial.((M-P family papers, NLA, Box 4, folder 26.))\\ | Neither woman wished for more than one or two children, with Nora writing: 'Though I can well understand your not wanting any more [children] & trust fervently that if my No. 2 arrives safely, it may prove the last, my precious little Meta flourishes & grows more lovable & clever every day.' Nora's love for Rosa was passed on to her young daughters when they all lived in London. Ruth, her youngest daughter, also wrote to 'Dearest Rosie', signing herself 'Your loving sister'. She was among the family to welcome Rosa's gifts of her latest book, no matter how controversial.((M-P family papers, NLA, Box 4, folder 26.))\\ |
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| Nora was highly distressed with yearly pregnancies, having she wrote to Rosa, a 'morbid horror' of large families.((Nora to Rosa, 27 July 1879 cited in Helen Woolcock et al, '"My beloved chloroform': Attitudes to Childbearing in Colonial Queensland', //Social History of Medicine Journal//, p.443.)) Given given the pro-natalist environment she lived in, it is not surprising that, while she considered 'people with large families are much to be pitied', she was 'not sure' that 'they who have none are not even worse off'.((Nora M-P to Rosa Praed, 28 February 1882, Praed papers QJO.)) Similarly, she tried to ruefully accept child-bearing as her 'mission' in life, in order to 'replenish the land'.((Nora to Rosa, 16 My 1881, QJO)) Certainly, she have reason to be wary of drastic measures, telling Rosa that she knew a woman who 'tried to abort her baby ... killed herself in the process.((Nora to Rosa, 27 September 1884.))\\ | Nora was highly distressed with yearly pregnancies, having she wrote to Rosa, a 'morbid horror' of large families.((Nora to Rosa, 27 July 1879 cited in Helen Woolcock et al, '"My beloved chloroform': Attitudes to Childbearing in Colonial Queensland', //Social History of Medicine Journal//, p.443.)) Given given the pro-natalist environment she lived in, it is not surprising that, while she considered 'people with large families are much to be pitied', she was 'not sure' that 'they who have none are not even worse off'.((Nora M-P to Rosa Praed, 28 February 1882, Praed papers QJO.)) Similarly, she tried to ruefully accept child-bearing as her 'mission' in life, in order to 'replenish the land'.((Nora to Rosa, 16 My 1881, QJO)) Certainly, she have reason to be wary of drastic measures, telling Rosa that she knew a woman who 'tried to abort her baby ... killed herself in the process.((Nora to Rosa, 27 September 1884.))\\ |
| Her despair at her repeated pregnancies probably went beyond pure logic, but one reason was that each additional child she had detracted from TLM-P's ability to establish his existing sons with property or a profession of their own or to provide an income for the daughters (despite Nora's own example, earning their own living never seemed an option for any of the daughters). All the evidence is that she was a loving mother, and flippant comments should not be taken out of that context, as in a letter to her husband from Lausanne in 1888, that it was a matter of 'great self-reproach & sorrow to me that I should have brought into the world so many children to share the small means. I could dispense with the five youngest with happiness'.((check quote and context,?M-P family papers, NLA MS 7801, Box 4, folder 20, Nora to TLM-P, 18 April 1888.? NLA)) She was not alone in making such comments in this age of profile child-bearing. The novelist Charles Dickens, for example, wrote in reaction to the birth of his tenth child, that 'on the whole I could have dispensed with him'.((Edgar Johnson (ed), //Letters from Charles Dickens to Angela Burdett-Coutts 1841-65//, London, Jonathon Cape, 1953, p.198.))\\ | Her despair at her repeated pregnancies probably went beyond pure logic, but one reason was that each additional child she had detracted from TLM-P's ability to establish his existing sons with property or a profession of their own or to provide an income for the daughters (despite Nora's own example, earning their own living never seemed an option for any of the daughters). All the evidence is that she was a loving mother, and flippant comments should not be taken out of that context, as in a letter to her husband from Lausanne in 1888, that it was a matter of 'great self-reproach & sorrow to me that I should have brought into the world so many children to share the small means. I could dispense with the five youngest with happiness'.((check quote and context,?M-P family papers, NLA MS 7801, Box 4, folder 20, Nora to TLM-P, 18 April 1888.? NLA)) She was not alone in making such comments in this age of profile child-bearing. The novelist Charles Dickens, for example, wrote in reaction to the birth of his tenth child, that 'on the whole I could have dispensed with him'.((Edgar Johnson (ed), //Letters from Charles Dickens to Angela Burdett-Coutts 1841-65//, London, Jonathon Cape, 1953, p.198.))\\ |
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| Nora's confiding in Rosa was probably the only outlet she had to comfortably express her concerns about so many children. The women of Boonah district around Maroon had a very similar fertility pattern. Although Nora was 5.5 years older than the average bride, she became pregnant immediately and had more children than the average woman. Nora had 8 children in 13 years. The district average was 7.76 over 16 years; rural (white) Australia's average number of children was 5.79 and nationally the average was 5.31 children.((Helen Woolcock et al, '"My beloved chloroform': Attitudes to Childbearing in Colonial Queensland', Social History of Medicine Journal, p.443))\\ | Nora's confiding in Rosa was probably the only outlet she had to comfortably express her concerns about so many children. The women of Boonah district around //Maroon// had a very similar fertility pattern. Although Nora was 5.5 years older than the average bride, she became pregnant immediately and had more children than the average woman: 8 children in 13 years. The district average was 7.76 over 16 years; rural (white) Australia's average number of children was 5.79 and nationally the average was 5.31 children.((Helen Woolcock et al, '"My beloved chloroform': Attitudes to Childbearing in Colonial Queensland', Social History of Medicine Journal, p.443))\\ |
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| A factor in Nora's attitude towards her pregnancies was that childbirth in Queensland was highly dangerous, more so than in Europe or the southern colonies. Nora's fear of dying in childbirth was well-founded. In 1878 the maternal death rate peaked at one mother dying for every 188 live births - and this figure excludes later deaths from birth injuries. For most of Nora's child-bearing years, her chances of dying in childbirth were around 1:200.((Kay Saunders and Katie Spearritt, 'Is there life after birth? Childbirth, death and danger for settler women in colonial Queensland', //Journal of Australian Studies//, 29, June 1991, pp.64-79.)) In Queensland in 1875, 55.2 mothers died for every 10,000 births; in 1885 the figure was 59.1:10,000 births.((Helen Woolcock et al, '"My beloved chloroform': Attitudes to Childbearing in Colonial Queensland', Social History of Medicine Journal, p.443)) Additionally, the chances of the baby dying was high: in 1857, nearly 10.5 per cent of infants died (excluding indigenous births).((Ross Patrick, A History of Health & Medicine in Queensland 1824-1960, St Lucia: University of Queensland Press, 1987, p.31.))\\ | A factor in Nora's attitude towards her pregnancies was that childbirth in Queensland was highly dangerous, more so than in Europe or the southern colonies. Nora's fear of dying in childbirth was well-founded. In 1878 the maternal death rate peaked at one mother dying for every 188 live births - and this figure excludes later deaths from birth injuries. For most of Nora's child-bearing years, her chances of dying in childbirth were around 1:200.((Kay Saunders and Katie Spearritt, 'Is there life after birth? Childbirth, death and danger for settler women in colonial Queensland', //Journal of Australian Studies//, 29, June 1991, pp.64-79.)) In Queensland in 1875, 55.2 mothers died for every 10,000 births; in 1885 the figure was 59.1:10,000 births.((Helen Woolcock et al, '"My beloved chloroform': Attitudes to Childbearing in Colonial Queensland', Social History of Medicine Journal, p.443)) Additionally, the chances of the baby dying was high: in 1857, nearly 10.5 per cent of infants died (excluding indigenous births).((Ross Patrick, A History of Health & Medicine in Queensland 1824-1960, St Lucia: University of Queensland Press, 1987, p.31.))\\ |
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| Nora's modernity also showed itself in her rejection of pain in childbirth. For numerous reasons, pain had traditionally been seen as beneficial.((for an excellent summary, see Helen Woolcock et al, '"My beloved chloroform': Attitudes to Childbearing in Colonial Queensland', //Social History of Medicine Journal//, pp.448-53)) Dr Henry Lightoller, a grandson of Matilda's sister Rose Haly, had an opposing attitude. Nora M-P strongly disapproved of his refusal to offer pain relief in childbirth, even to his own wife Minnie who had a deformity which meant childbirth was agonising. The only time he allowed Minnie chloroform was when he needed to use instruments to birth the baby. Nora, as she wrote to Rosa Praed, considered '//Dr Lightoller is a staunch opponent of Chloroform tho' his chief argument against it seems to be the cowardice of taking it which I think is a question for __the sufferer to decide, and could not help__ telling him what I felt keenly, that were it a misfortune to which both sexes were liable chloroform would have been given years ago. He looked astounded at my venturing to discuss the subject, looking on it as becoming in a man and a doctor to lay down the law – for women ‘theirs is not to reason why – theirs but to suffer and die - a view of the case against which I, as one of the suffering class, protest vehemently. He is a good little dogmatic man, skilful in his degree and he has the best wife that ever trod shoe leather - but I wish she would no be so submissive as regards chloroform//.’ Nora went on to say that Minnie told her '//that she had been 12 hours in the most fearful agony, at the end of which they had given her chloroform which had brought it on so they could use instruments//'. Nora's view was that she //'would want to know a very good reason why before I would suffer like that in deference to my husband's general principle and it stands to reason that she would recover better if she were not so long ill and in pain//'. She was indignant that Dr Lightoller had made Minnie promise not to expect chloroform unless it was necessary for him to use instruments.((Nora M-P to Rosa Praed, 3 April 1881, M-P papers, JOQ, OM81-71.)) The reasons for Dr Lightoller's reluctance to use chloroform was influenced by the common religious view that women were ordained since Eve to give birth in pain, and/or concern about its safety. It was also in keeping with the general reluctance of Brisbane Hospital doctors to use anaesthetics even for amputations and other major surgery even years after its use was routine elsewhere.((John Tyrer, //History of the Brisbane Hospital and its affiliates. A pilgrim's progress//, Brisbane: Boolarong Publications, 1993, pp.61.))\\ | Nora's modernity also showed itself in her rejection of pain in childbirth. For numerous reasons, pain had traditionally been seen as beneficial.((for an excellent summary, see Helen Woolcock et al, '"My beloved chloroform': Attitudes to Childbearing in Colonial Queensland', //Social History of Medicine Journal//, pp.448-53)) Dr Henry Lightoller, a grandson of Matilda's sister Rose Haly, had an opposing attitude. Nora M-P strongly disapproved of his refusal to offer pain relief in childbirth, even to his own wife Minnie who had a deformity which meant childbirth was agonising. The only time he allowed Minnie chloroform was when he needed to use instruments to birth the baby. Nora, as she wrote to Rosa Praed, considered '//Dr Lightoller is a staunch opponent of Chloroform tho' his chief argument against it seems to be the cowardice of taking it which I think is a question for the sufferer to decide, and could not help telling him what I felt keenly, that were it a misfortune to which both sexes were liable chloroform would have been given years ago. He looked astounded at my venturing to discuss the subject, looking on it as becoming in a man and a doctor to lay down the law – for women ‘theirs is not to reason why – theirs but to suffer and die - a view of the case against which I, as one of the suffering class, protest vehemently. He is a good little dogmatic man, skilful in his degree and he has the best wife that ever trod shoe leather - but I wish she would no be so submissive as regards chloroform//.’ Nora went on to say that Minnie told her '//that she had been 12 hours in the most fearful agony, at the end of which they had given her chloroform which had brought it on so they could use instruments//'. Nora's view was that she //'would want to know a very good reason why before I would suffer like that in deference to my husband's general principle and it stands to reason that she would recover better if she were not so long ill and in pain//'. She was indignant that Dr Lightoller had made Minnie promise not to expect chloroform unless it was necessary for him to use instruments.((Nora M-P to Rosa Praed, 3 April 1881, M-P papers, JOQ, OM81-71.)) The reasons for Dr Lightoller's reluctance to use chloroform was influenced by the common religious view that women were ordained since Eve to give birth in pain, and/or concern about its safety. It was also in keeping with the general reluctance of Brisbane Hospital doctors to use anaesthetics even for amputations and other major surgery even years after its use was routine elsewhere.((John Tyrer, //History of the Brisbane Hospital and its affiliates. A pilgrim's progress//, Brisbane: Boolarong Publications, 1993, pp.61.))\\ |
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| Nora did not live with many of the rights we now take for granted, including control over her own children. After TLM-P's death, her brother Charles Barton was one of her trustees; it was her trustees who, as Charles bluntly told Nora, were responsible for her young children. Given gender divisions, he considered he knew best when it came to her sons. In 1896, four years after TLM-P died, he informed Nora that her 'boys are acting the goat in Brisbane ... they being boys [are] full of nonsense spirits are kicking over the ropes'. With the youngest 10 years old, they were, he insisted, getting beyond her control and should be sent to a good boarding school; he suggested Ipswich. He then appealed to her maternal concerns: that it was 'a matter of supreme importance that your boys should get every advantage.' He was not advising something he would not do to his own children: he'd just sent his three daughters to boarding school and as soon as his sons shed their milk teeth, 'off they go too'.((M-P family papers, NLA, Box 4, folder 22.)) Nora had little choice, but accepted his advice.\\ | Nora did not live with many of the rights we now take for granted, including control over her own children. After TLM-P's death, her brother Charles (Charlie) Barton was one of her trustees; it was her trustees who, as Charles bluntly told Nora, were responsible for her young children. Given gender divisions, he considered he knew best when it came to her sons. In 1896, four years after TLM-P died, he informed Nora that her 'boys are acting the goat in Brisbane ... they being boys [are] full of nonsense spirits are kicking over the ropes'. With the youngest 10 years old, they were, he insisted, getting beyond her control and should be sent to a good boarding school; he suggested Ipswich. He then appealed to her maternal concerns: that it was 'a matter of supreme importance that your boys should get every advantage.' He was not advising something he would not do to his own children: he'd just sent his three daughters to boarding school and as soon as his sons shed their milk teeth, 'off they go too'.((M-P family papers, NLA, Box 4, folder 22.)) Nora had little choice, but accepted his advice.\\ |
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| As far as her daughters were concerned, Nora was radical and utterly determined that they would not be financially constrained to marry. In one of a number of similar statements, she replied to Rosa's query '//how I am going to get them husbands. I am going to bring them up to be happy old maids. If the husband comes, well and good - but if he does not come, they shall not feel their lives wasted and spoilt. Nor will they take the wrong man as better than none. They are to be taught cooking and sewing and all household accomplishments, be thoroughly versed in modern languages and be put in the way of reading and enlarging their own minds rather than crammed with facts//.'((Nora M-P to Rosa Praed, 22 December 1878, Praed papers, QJOL))\\ | As far as her daughters were concerned, Nora was radical and utterly determined that they would not be financially constrained to marry. In one of a number of similar statements, she replied to Rosa's query '//how I am going to get them husbands. I am going to bring them up to be happy old maids. If the husband comes, well and good - but if he does not come, they shall not feel their lives wasted and spoilt. Nor will they take the wrong man as better than none. They are to be taught cooking and sewing and all household accomplishments, be thoroughly versed in modern languages and be put in the way of reading and enlarging their own minds rather than crammed with facts//.'((Nora M-P to Rosa Praed, 22 December 1878, Praed papers, QJOL))\\ |
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| All the seven surviving children of this second marriage shared equally in a bequest of £28,000 in their father's will. The income from this bequest was substantially less than TLM-P would have hoped because, when he died, Australia was experiencing a severe depression and then suffered from a prolonged drought. As well, his estate had to absorb a significant loss of money on the Aberfoyle property. By 1905, the interest on their £4,000 each earned them £72 p.a. - or around $10,809 in 2018 values.((https://www.rba.gov.au/calculator/annualPreDecimal.html)) This was fine for the sons as it added to their income; less so for the single daughters who did not earn their own living and had to rely on their mother's financial support.((TLM-P, Last will and testament, 1892 and Legal opinion re Trusts of the Will of Thomas Lodge Murray Prior Decd, 11 November 1905 and 11 June 1940, copies with J. Godden. check re 4keach x 7))\\ | All the seven surviving children of this second marriage shared equally in a bequest of £28,000 in their father's will. The income from this bequest was substantially less than TLM-P would have hoped because, when he died, Australia was experiencing a severe depression and then suffered from a prolonged drought. As well, his estate had to absorb a significant loss of money on the //Aberfoyle// property. By 1905, the interest on their £4,000 each earned them £72 p.a. - or around $10,809 in 2018 values.((https://www.rba.gov.au/calculator/annualPreDecimal.html)) This was fine for the sons as it added to their income; less so for the (all unemployed) single daughters who relied on their mother's financial support.((TLM-P, Last will and testament, 1892 and Legal opinion re Trusts of the Will of Thomas Lodge Murray Prior Decd, 11 November 1905 and 11 June 1940, copies with J. Godden. check re 4keach x 7))\\ |
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| **For more details of these children and their descendants, click on the sidebar entry.** \\ | **For more details of these children and their descendants, click on the sidebar entry.** \\ |